I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
