If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
