This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
