you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am one with the molecules
i now understand why vodka
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
