I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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