I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My balls are so social today.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize