That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
