i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
