I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
