i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
