Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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