Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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