I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
