She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
