Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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