I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He better not be in your backpack
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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