We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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