So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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