An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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