There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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