Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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