I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
