I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
