I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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