is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
