And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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