She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
