I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
