Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize