when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
