I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I deserve this hangover.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
