Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So drunk its hurt
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
