Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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