Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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