This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
