Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
