I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
