i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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