Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize