so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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