How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she smelled like a LAN party
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
