"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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