How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
