U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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