i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Duck Duck Cougar?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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