How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
