I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
