Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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