"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
