shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
