Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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