Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
