i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
