So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
