I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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