living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I love you. Go after that dick
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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