ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
why is half of my head shaved?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
