im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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