You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
