so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
