boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
