and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
