nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
