I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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